Worthiness!

Feeling worthy is the underlying core to achieving success in any and all our endeavours. If we feel unworthy within ourselves - then no matter what we strive to achieve, and then, even if we do achieve our ultimate end result, maintaining our success will be almost impossible if we have any feelings of unworthiness.

Feeling unworthy is created by guilt, blame, anger, resentment and unresolved issues... Sometimes from our immediate past, too often from our distant past where unresolved issues have been left to grow into what feels like impossible problems.

Too often these seemingly insurmountable problems have occurred, (or grown) purely because of our negative attention and focus on them.

The following proverb illustrates the point well:

A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt about a tragedy. He said, 'I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart.  One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.' 
The grandson asked him, 'Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?' The grandfather answered, 'The one I feed.'
- Native American story

Feelings of guilt, blame, anger, resentment and like negative emotions come about because we perceive we have done something wrong, or have been wronged by another. Focus on this ‘wrong’ doing allows the negative emotions and feelings to grow like layers on an onion, until we have forgotten what the original core incident or issue was - or our guilt and negative feelings and emotions continue because we continue with this perceived ‘wrong’ doing or action.

‘Wrong’ doing or action like binge eating, eating foods we perceive as ‘illegal’, failing to follow our exercise routine, hiding foods to be eaten when we are alone, eating more in quantity than we perceive is allowed - just increases these negative feelings adding heaviness to our mind and emotions and adding weight to our body.

The first step to resolving feelings of guilt, anger and resentment is acceptance, thus allowing yourself to feel the totality of your emotions - you are human and are entitled to your emotions and feelings, whatever they are, be they negative or positive. Acceptance, allowance and entitlement will usually bring clarity as to the reasons why you feel this way. It’s this clarity which will highlight what the underlying core issue is and that’s the action or issue you need to resolve.

The next step of forgiveness - forgiveness of yourself or another, allows you to let go and move on. Forgiving and letting go is what releases feelings of guilt, anger, blame and resentment which often can leave a person feeling ‘empty’ inside. Tired (even exhausted), drained and empty - Empty physically, mentally and emotionally.

This emptiness can be mistaken as a lack or as negative emotions and feelings, and sometimes the cycle of filling this emptiness with food or negative emotions, (guilt, anger, blame and resentment) is begun again.

If a person has lived with negative feelings of guilt, anger, blame and resentment for a long period of time, and then the steps of Acceptance, Allowance, Entitlement and Forgiveness allowing one to Let Go are followed..... the releasing of such negativity within will leave one feeling emotionally and physically drained and empty - I believe this is a good sign that the process has been both worthwhile and successful. Mistaking this for a negative sign will take you back to the original negative patterns of behaviour. Recognising that this is a positive sign and that the process has been a good experience allows you the choice to make the right decisions.

Sometimes you need to wait a while, before you know what positive steps to take next in your efforts to building your self-esteem, and empower yourself with feelings of worthiness.

Indulge yourself with some physical nurturing - rest, relaxation, a long soak in the bath, a pedicure, a manicure or a facial. Maybe all of those things. Inspire your mind by reading an interesting book or courageous story. Watch a movie. Go for a walk in nature. Lie on your back in the grass and make patterns in the sky. Watch the stars. Wait a while and let yourself BE.

Appreciate your body and who you are.
Be thankful for your life.
Love yourself and your life.

When you are ready, make positive choices and decisions. Ensure that your thoughts are positive, especially those about yourself.
Empower yourself to feel worthy by maintaining positive thoughts and following through with right choices and action. Once you successfully achieve your wants, dreams and desires, feeling worthy will go a long way to maintaining your successful endeavours!

© 2001 to 2007 Mands WhyWeight - All Rights Reserved

Rights of mind

How good are you at standing up for your rights? You do have certain rights. Lawyers may disagree with this wording, but for the purposes of this book consider your rights from a moral rather than a strict legal perspective. The essence of assertiveness is recognizing that both you, and other people, have certain rights.

• You have the right to be heard, but equally you need to listen to others. You have the right to assert yourself, and so do other people.
   
• You have the right to state what you want, but you also need to recognize others' wants.
   
• You have the right to feel, but need to realize that other people have emotions too - Treat people as emotional human beings not as roles.
   
• You have the right to make mistakes. Remember that 'people who never make mistakes never make anything'.
   
• You have the right to be protected by the law, but you also need to live within the law.
   
• You have the right to free speech, but remember the effect your language will have upon others if you make racist, sexist or abusive comments.
   
• You have the right to feel secure, but remember that security is a state of mind and comes from within. Avoid creating insecurity by stirring up fear, anxiety and destructive gossip.
   
• You have the right to be happy, so if you were given a joyless script as a child then give yourself permission to change it. Try saying 'It's OK to be happy'.
   
• You have the right to be ill, so stop trying to play the martyr. Look after your physical and mental health.
   
• You have the right to be treated with respect, but remember, you also need to treat others with respect.
   
• You have the right to grieve, so give yourself permission to cry, feel sad and express you feelings.
   
• You have the right to give others their rights, so learn to empower people.
   
• You have the right to enjoy your sexuality, as long as it is not in the form of harassment or impinges upon other people's boundaries.
   
• You have the right not to be overlooked, but it is up to you to make your mark and be seen.
   
• You have the right not to be emotionally abused, however, people cannot read your mind so you need to tell them when you feel this way.
   
• You have the right not to be physically abused so it is up to you to distance yourself from the perpetrator. This is easier said than done for many people, but if you work on your own feelings of self-worth and self-love then you will reach a stage of recognizing that you are no longer prepared to live or to work where such behaviour exists.

Excerpt taken from a book on Stress Management and submitted
by Bevskins