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The Power of Forgiveness “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison I come from a long line of grudge holders. As much as I would like to deny it, I am an expert at holding grudges myself. I can get my feelings easily hurt, have high expectations for others, and have a tendency to be hyper-critical and judgmental. If someone crosses me, upsets me, or does something I consider “out of line,” I am quick to make them wrong and hold it against them. At a deep level, I know that this doesn’t work and that holding things against others not only makes it difficult to have healthy, loving relationships with them, it also damages me. As the quote above reminds us, “holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s crazy. Why do we do this? There are a number of reasons why we hold grudges. Mostly it has to do with our negative ego and our pride. More deeply, many of us are not comfortable confronting our emotions, dealing with other people in a real and honest way, or acknowledging some of the “shadow” parts of our personality. In other words, it’s actually easier for us to hold a grudge than for us to work things out and forgive people. We also get a lot of mileage out of being right and in some weird way it makes us feel better about ourselves. However, all of us have experienced the incredible power of forgiveness in our lives. When we’ve had the courage to be honest, vulnerable, and compassionate, we’ve all let go of a grudge or had someone let go of one with us. In this letting go process, we can find freedom, connection, and gratitude. While it may not always be easy, forgiveness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Forgiveness is essential for healthy relationships, thriving teams, loving families, and, most importantly, self love. The person we often need to forgive first is ourselves. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean acceptance, agreement, or even affinity. In other words, you don’t have to agree with or even like the person you are forgiving. You might continue to deplore what was done and choose not to be in relationship with the person, even after you forgive them. However, the goal of forgiveness is to let go of the resentment that is binding us to that person or their action in a negative way. The grudge keeps this negative energy in place and makes it virtually impossible for us to have any real relationship or connection with them. Forgiveness can remove this wall and release the negativity. And, as we all have experienced, once we forgive someone there is a space created that makes something totally new become possible. Appreciation is one of the best forgiveness practices we can use. Without agreeing, condoning, or even liking the person or what they did (if we choose not to), we can look for what we appreciate about them or what took place. Even in the most severe situations, there is almost always something we can appreciate. If nothing else, most of these situations teach us a lot about ourselves, others, and life. When we have the courage to tell the truth to ourselves and are willing to engage in an honest dialogue with others, we have the ability to move beyond our grudges and resentments. Utilizing the power of forgiveness is one of the most important things we can do to create peace, freedom, and fulfillment in our relationships and our lives. Plus, life is way too short and precious for us to waste our time and energy holding grudges. What Can You Do? Make a list of three or more people you currently resent or are holding a grudge against. Ask yourself if you are ready and willing to let go of these resentments. If so, take some time to think about each person and situation. Focus on what you appreciate about each of these people or situations; what have you learned from them? Then, choose to forgive them. Remember that forgiveness is ultimately for you and takes place within your own mind and heart. You can talk to them about it and let them know you forgive them, or not… it is up to you. The key to forgiveness is choice and intention. Continue to remind yourself of this choice to forgive and let the other people around you know about it, especially anyone who you have a tendency to gossip with about these people or situations. Lastly, forgive yourself for both allowing this situation to manifest in your life and also for holding onto it for as long as you have. We must forgive ourselves first, last, and always. About Mike Robbins [ www.mike-robbins.com/resources.htm ] - Click here to subscribe to my FREE monthly email newsletter, "Appreciation in Action" 2005 Copyright © Mike Robbins Website: http://www.mike-robbins.com |