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My Life Plot “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” After our mishap in November (the armed robbery [ Statistically Speaking ] ), I thought I had been handling things quite well, and that I had taken back my power from those that tried to overpower us on that awful day – but little did I know that 3 months later, I would be feeling the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome! It started after our holiday in December, but I did not realise how serious it had become until I had given my son a public hiding for something that was truly an accident that I was rudely awoken to the fact that I was not dealing with my stress or my emotions as well as I had tried to make everyone believe that I had! Since that day, I have gone back to counselling sessions as well as seen a doctor who has prescribed anti-depressants for a short-term period to enable me to get my stress levels down and get my emotions under control. My counsellor also suggested that I write down or imagine a map of my life, be it the present, the last couple of months or the last couple of years – but this map is different to a road map – this is a map of my life as it would look like as a plot of land. I'm going to a special place when I die, I decided that to write and draw was a better idea for me as then I could look back at it after a couple of weeks and see where my “life plot” had changed, as well as see at a glance what needed the most work or “weeding, fixing and maintenance”. I started with a blank page and wrote all the items that I carry around with me in my head and in my heart – my angers, my frustrations, my loves and my joys. Then I wrote down all the things that I needed to sort out – finances, tax, medical, family assistance etc. Once I had my framework, I set to work on drawing a simple drawing of a house on a plot. I imagined this plot to be on a mountainside, green pastures all around, overlooking the sea, with a couple of old sturdy oak trees dotting the landscape. The sky was blue overhead but there always seemed to be clouds coming towards me over the horizon. This, I realised was what was scaring me more than anything, the prospect of something even worse happening to us after all that we had been through. I looked at my land, and had to visualise if I had trees; fences or walls (and how tall, weak, strong, they were); was my garden ordered or haphazard; was the property neat or cluttered with old, broken stuff. My visualisation made me realise that my walls were high and strong, (keeping bad things out or keeping my family in?) My garden was haphazard, but colourful; the grass was green, and the trees in the garden were all evergreen and strong. The yard was cluttered with unused items – things that I had not thrown away? The driveway was long and winding, surrounded by grass and garden and led to a carport in front of an old shed. (My life to this point? Not direct but winding? Open Carport as I still have a ways to go?) My house was more windows than not, with large rooms – the biggest being the kitchen! (Does the house represent me – open and naïve? And is the kitchen my heart?) It was placed in the middle of the property, with the garden out front. In the back, there was a path from the kitchen door leading to a herb garden. The herb garden followed a simple labyrinth style, using tiles to create the pathways between all the herbs and vegetables – some doing well and others seriously in need of attention. There is a bench in the middle of the herb garden looking onto a small water feature, the sound of water soothing as it runs over crystal pebbles. All this felt right – I nurture, love and protect my family, and tend to be the “the anchor” for my folks and siblings too. The water feature I believe is my affinity to the sound and sight of water and what it does to my soul – it’s my calmness, my serenity, no wonder I put it in the middle of my garden. At the back of the herb garden, the wall of the property was walled and fenced – open and closed at the same time – although it was screened from the garden by tall trees. To the one side of the house behind the carport, stood a shed – quite large, but sturdy – and I envisioned that if I had to open the shed – everything would come tumbling out – old, unused, broken stuff! Now I realise what I carry around in my soul…. old angers, hurts and frustrations – I need to let these go and “throw them out”! I will definitely show this to my counsellor and see if I got the analogies correct of what I think of how, where and what is on my life plot – will be interesting to say the least. I am going to put up the picture of my life plot – inside my cupboard – where I will see it everyday when I get dressed, to remind me of where I am and see if I can change some of the “unwanted” things by changing how I look at the world and how I manage to get through my fears and stresses. Nobody trips over mountains. **************************************************************** Bevskins xxx !!! PS. For more articles written by Bevskins [ Read More ]
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