Be Free!

If you are quick to take offence, then you'll be under the control of those who you find offensive. If you are easily angered, then your actions will be dictated by those who anger you. If you are obsessed by what other people think, then you will be imprisoned by their thoughts. If you yearn for easy answers and quick solutions, you'll fall prey to people who offer you nothing but promises. If you find the truth too difficult to bear, you'll be enslaved to those who tell you what you want to hear.

When you have the courage to think for yourself, the strength to accept what is, the commitment and discipline to make a difference, then you are free. You are truly free to live with purpose, joy and fulfilment. Let your life be defined, not by reactions to what others do, Say, or think but rather your own unique vision. Raise your eyes above the pettiness and follow the path of the greatness that is within you.

"Life can give you a hundred reasons to cry,
but you can give life a thousand reasons to smile."

-- Author Unknown

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Spring Updates

Finding Freedom!

I have many strengths, amazing abilities, incredible creative talents.... I have a wonderful loving relationship with my husband, that we have shared through difficult and challenging times, and through wonderful amazing times with plenty of laughter and lots of love. I have three unique, wonderful children who teach me all the time, even as we learn and share loving relationships together. I have wonderful friends who support me through the rough times, inspire and encourage me and who are there when I need them. I have websites that I love and are a testament to my developing creativity and writing abilities, through which visitors and subscribers interact with me in emails, to help me learn even as they learn from the sharing of my own experiences.... I love my work and my job is allowing my husband and I to reach our dreams and fulfil our aspirations.

Then I have this weakness.... something that I have struggled with for a while.... I worry about what other people think and say... about me, about my work, about my writing, about what I do.... about who I am....

It wasn’t always so, and I have a deep understanding now, of how this weakness that I allowed to come about within me happened.... Criticism - from others, and then Self-criticism. A powerful and destructive force, that if left unchecked, can erode self-esteem, diminish self-worth, extinguish passion and corrode any sense of purpose in what you are doing or the person you are.

The sad thing about what I experienced through being criticised was that I allowed it to hurt me so much, and that the people I gave such power to are really inconsequential in my life... they really have no idea of what I do or even the person that I am. That I really ‘let this happen’ because it was so subtle, and that people who are critical are very manipulative in how they criticise - a quick, snide remark when you are unaware, like ‘You did a great job, but I think you can do better,’ or a simple word like ‘Boring’... a critical comment about what you look like or what you are wearing, like ‘that hairstyle is very pretty, but it doesn’t really suit you’ - What Is That? - a compliment or a criticism? Or, ‘Thank-you for arriving early at work because I know you have an appointment and want to leave early, but I really need you to work late!’ So you cancel your much deserved massage, and work late - am I naive or what?

Then sometimes rather than challenging the person to clarify their comments, we internalise them, challenging our own beliefs and sometimes allowing it to undermine our self-esteem. I know that criticism is sometimes justified, and can be healthy to help a person challenge themselves, question what they are doing and even motivate them to be better, to do better and become the best they can.... If my husband, who reads, proofs and edits most of my work, had always said, ‘Great job, Mands - well done!’ even when what I had written was mediocre, boring or just so, so.... then I would never have been challenged to do better and write in a deeper way. There have been times when my husband has said, ‘This article needs work,’ or ‘You need to review what you have written, it seems incomplete,’ and then I know that he is challenging me, because he believes I can do better, and usually he is right. *Grin* When my husband says, ‘Wonderful job,’ or ‘Great job, Mands - well done!’ or ‘Wow, that article is awesome,’ *Grin* - then I know he is being honest and true in his comments. So criticism can be healthy, when given by the right person for the right reasons.

However, I have learnt that sometimes people criticise, simply because they are negative and critical, because that is who they are.... and it’s easy to tell, because usually they are critical and negative about everything, even what is good!

Internalising all this negativity and criticism, leads to self-criticism and sooner than you can imagine, chaotic thoughts and diminished self-esteem result in a body that gains weight and increases in size, usually around your feminine core, your creative centre - your waist, tummy, hips and thighs.

The best and only way to combat the effects of continuous negative and critical people is to take back your own power. If the person only exists on the peripheries of your life, sometimes simple avoidance can help. If you need to maintain a relationship with that person because they are a relative, or you work with them, and you need to keep your job, then you have to be honest about the situation - accepting it for what it is, and the person for what they are - negative and critical. You do that by ensuring that you empower your self-esteem. You do that by realising you simply have to tune out all those negative comments and critical remarks, by focusing on your own affirming and positive thoughts. You do that by following your own path, doing what’s important to you, focusing on what your priorities are.

I decided last Spring that if I was going to continue with my job, then I would just have to be more positive and more enthusiastic than my work colleagues were negative or critical, no matter how challenging and difficult. So each time someone made a negative comment I said, ‘What a wonderful day, Thank-you!’ sometimes just to myself and even sometimes to them... it took awhile, but it worked.

I decided that if I was going to continue writing, creating websites and publishing for everyone to read and visit the websites, then I would have to have the courage to do it for myself, because it was what I want to do, because I love doing it, no matter what others thought or said. The results have been amazing... even as I have created and written for myself, finding purpose and passion within the webpages, finding growth and empowerment within myself, I found a deeper creativity in the freedom I have discovered in my own unique vision.

Even as I explored with this new insight, my creativity has expanded decreasing my weight and size almost dramatically. *Grin* “When you have the courage to think and do for yourself, the strength to accept what is, the commitment and discipline to make a difference, then you are free. You are truly free to live with purpose, joy and fulfilment.”

Even as I have continued to explore my creativity and write more articles, I have received more compliments and emails of appreciation and gratitude then I ever imagined possible. The freedom within myself has allowed me to follow my heart with purpose and passion, which allowed me to release my extra weight and increased size, and I have discovered a joy from within that has attracted more compliments and positive comments from those that I interact with daily.

No matter who you are, where you live or what you do... No matter what sort of close relationships you have, what the people are like that you work with... sometime, somewhere you will come into contact with a person that is negative and critical, and really, I have discovered they are in the minority, maybe even one out of ten.... in perspective, their criticism is really just incidental because of the person that they are, and should be ignored and their comments rejected.

In reality, from my own personal experience, compared to the encouragement, compliments, thanks and gratitude that I receive, criticism should be viewed in perspective of who it’s coming from.... There will always be someone who believes in you, and it’s their encouragement and support that we should listen to, it’s even more important to listen to yourself, and believe in yourself.... ensuring that you internalise positive thoughts and empower your self-esteem.

I needed to stop thinking about what others thought, said and did, and that’s what I did, and I started being more aware of what I was thinking, saying and doing....

Although I love receiving feedback from the subscribers and visitors to the website, I love receiving compliments and receiving thanks and gratitude from my family and friends, and it’s something I have come to appreciate with deep gratitude. I have found the freedom to live with purpose and joy from within.... allowing it to overflow into my life, my relationships and my work, by learning that I need to be thankful for myself, complimentary of myself, and even pat myself on the back and say,
“Well done, Mands, you did a great job!” - I need to empower myself from within... We all do!

Life and the experiences I have had.... have given me dozens, probably hundreds of reasons to cry, and I have certainly shed plenty of tears in my life.
However.... Life and the experiences I have enjoyed and the relationships I share... my husbands grin when I wake up in the morning, because he has watched me while I was sleeping, his endearments and compliments, my daughters spontaneous hugs and exuberant kisses, my sons saying, ‘I louf you, mom’ .....or ‘I missed you so much, mommikins’ - a surprise package in the post from a friend, a R20 tip from a customer, emails of thanks, sharing and gratitude, genuine thanks from a stranger for helping them out.... the beauty in each persons eyes that reflects my own..... Have given me millions of reasons to smile!

Love and Laughter to You and Yours
Mands

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