The Clean Plate Club
When I was a young child, my mom and dad basically let me eat what and when I wanted. As we lived in the bush there wasn’t a corner cafe to buy sweets, chocolates, crisps and ice-cream, so essentially ‘junk food’ was never an issue in my life. I still remember the first time I experienced things like cake and ice-cream. It was my sixth birthday and we flew to Johannesburg to visit my grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a really exciting day and I simple ate what I wanted, maybe a little too much cake and sweets and I had a bit of a tummy ache the next day. Once I was back home in the Botswana bush it never occurred to me to want or miss those wonderful sweet delicacies like chocolate, and I simply returned to my natural eating pattern.
My first experience of the ‘clean plate club’ was when I spent a few months staying with my aunt and uncle in Johannesburg, while my mom and dad where relocating to their next contract location in Zambia. My aunt had prepared a special meal for me. I remember she had made cottage pie, sweet potatoes, carrots and peas. I loved sweet potatoes and carrots, and I was happy to eat the peas, yet no way did I want to eat the cottage pie - I seemed to have a real problem with my potatoes being mixed with mince meat.
My mom and dad had never forced me to eat anything I didn’t want and so I simply left the cottage pie on my plate and excused myself from the table. Five minutes later, I was summoned back to the table and told to eat all my food, before I could leave. Being a mindful child, I did force this somewhat unfamiliar food down my throat, although I was bit unhappy with the situation. It was probably a simple case of being with my aunt and uncle and not wanting to upset them in anyway.
The next day, I had a similar experience where I was again forced to finish the food on my plate, despite not wanting to eat certain foods. After a few days of this ongoing struggle, I simply refused to eat what I didn’t want. What occurred next was an ongoing battle between first my aunt and then my uncle, where they explained about all the starving children in Africa, and how those children would be grateful for the food I was unwilling to eat. I know that I won that battle and eventually I was allowed to go to bed after what seemed like hours. The next evening, I was again subjected to having to eat food that I didn’t want, which I refused. On that night I remember falling asleep with my head on the table and waking up the next morning in my bed. To my surprise I was told that I couldn’t eat a fresh breakfast, I had to finish my previous nights supper which lay congealed and unappealing on the plate before me.
I chose not to eat the supper, and so went hungry without breakfast. By lunch time I remember feeling starving and asking for lunch. Again I was faced with the previous nights supper. I was upset and confused and just wanted my mom and dad and my life back where it had been. I remember crying and begging to please not to have to eat the food which now was nearly 24 hours old. I suppose my aunt felt compassionate and sent me to wash my face and come and eat a now fresh supper, which I did eat.... every last morsel of food on my plate whether I liked it or not. I had given in and joined the ‘clean plate club’.
And so a pattern of eating everything on my plate was started, whether I liked it or not, whether I wanted that food or not. Eight years of boarding school, and having to leave a ‘clean plate’ further imbedded this pattern into my daily habits.
It was only years later as a young adult that I started to question why, when I sat down to eat a plate of food, I felt the need to ‘clean my plate’ even if I felt I had eaten enough. Through just being aware of what I was eating and how I was eating I realised a significant habit that I had learned to accomplish leaving a ‘clean plate’.
I would first eat the least favourite food on my plate, and then the next least favourite, until I started eating my favourite food, ending by eating my most favourite food.... like a motivation to get through the food I liked least, and keeping my favourite food till last like a treat.
It was only on reflecting on why I was doing this that I remembered the experience I had while staying with my aunt and uncle - and then the enforcement of the ‘clean plate’ habit in years of attending boarding school that I realised how the pattern had come about. My battle to return to eating naturally, what and when I wanted, and leaving food on my plate that I didn’t want which then brought about a battle of undoing years of conditioning.
I asked myself some significant questions:
“Did it make any difference to the starving children in Africa whether I ate or left food, that my body didn’t want?” - NO
“Did it make a difference to me, if I left food on my plate?” Yes, absolutely!
I began to enjoy my food, rather then it being a battle ground, where I strategically ate first my least favourite food, ending with my most favourite food. Chewing, tasting, savouring the flavour, eating once more became something I enjoyed.
“Did I have to explain myself to anyone?” No
“Was it more important to listen to body, and rather eat until I felt full, and leave unwanted food on my plate?” Yes
I have been attending Cari Corbet-Owen’s workshop with a group of women and the issue of the ‘clean plate club’ came under discussion - there were two interesting points that Cari made:
- Firstly, why is it that we need to make ourselves into human dustbins - eating everything that is on our plates? Why, Indeed!
- Secondly, your membership to the ‘Clean Plate Club’ can be cancelled. Throw any excess food OUT and not IN. You are not the garbage disposal. You deserve to to treat yourself better than this.
Cari makes 11 points in her book to combat Overeating - I have included a few:
- The less you eat now, the sooner you can eat again. Make physical hunger your friend.
- Make sure that you eat not according to the fullness of your plate, but rather to the fullness of your stomach.
- Every time you push away your plate with food still on it, you are connecting to your internal knowledge, and honouring your physical needs.
- Know you’re progressing when you no longer think you must stop eating. Rather get to a stage where you genuinely want to stop because you have had enough and because you know you can eat again anytime.
Cari shared a lovely story about her nephew. Her nephew upon being asked to finish all the food on his plate, and being told about all the starving children in the world, and how grateful they would be to have his food, had simply said:
“Well, please take my food and put it in an envelope and post it to the starving children so that they can enjoy it, cos I really don’t want it.”
If you belong to the ‘Clean Plate Club’ or have discontinued your membership and would like to share your story please [ Email ] with the subject line ‘The Clean Plate Club” - Thanks!