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The Blue Dress.... and learning to let go! When I was a young mother, I forget exactly my age at the time, somewhere in my early to mid twenties, my daily attire was unremarkable to say the least.... and consisted of mainly tracksuits and jeans in Winter, and jeans, shorts and T-shirts in Summer. Since I was a Although, I initially missed wearing most of my ‘dress-up’ outfits, since I no longer worked, I soon got caught up in the daily adventure of being a mom.... spending my days caring for a baby, playing in the garden, planting seeds, cultivating a veggie patch, sewing and creating wall-hangings to adorn the walls of our home, and generally finding pleasure in this wonderful time in my life. Early in the morning after my shower, it became easier to just tie my hair up in a pony tail, slip into something comfortable and embrace the day with my son. We shared breakfast, and then fed the dogs, chickens, birds in the aviary and my sons fish in the bowl in his room.... then we would either spend time in the garden weather permitting, or find something to do inside. It was a special time.... my wardrobe changing dramatically to suit my life-style at the time! Then my husband announced he needed to attend a business conference, and it was important for me to go with him..... To my shock, when perusing the contents of my wardrobe, I discovered that I had no suitable clothing to wear, and our budget at the time certainly wouldn’t allow for an extravagant shopping spree. I also didn’t have the time to make anything special for the dinners we would attend, and I felt the need to look good as I was the youngest wife by more than a decade, and already felt like a fish out of water ;o) within this social structure. So I took to the streets to find the ‘perfect’ dress to suit my budget.... first venturing to the Edgars, Woolworths, Foshinis and the like, with my young son in tow! It was one of the most unfruitful and distressing shopping trips I have ever undertaken, and I suppose since we were living in a small town in the Free State, my expectations were already a bit high, and with the conference looming closer, I started to panic with thinking about what I would wear. After several days of shopping, having tried on more outfits than I could count, my son and I stopped at a small pizza place that had recently opened in a little alcove of a new shopping centre. Tucked away in another corner, was a new designer dress shop advertising a ‘half price’ sale. Desperate, I decided I had nothing to lose by taking a look.... and looking was absolutely free! To my glee, I discovered the most awesome and amazing outfits at prices I could afford... and the most beautiful blue dress that fitted me perfectly, like it had been specially made for me. The owner of the dress shop, although we had never met, knew who I was, and had heard about some of the good things my hubby was doing to help the local people, refused payment and suggested I take a half dozen outfits on appro, try them on at home with my shoes and accessories, choose what I wanted in the comfort of my home, and return what I didn’t want with an extra discount for the things I wanted to keep. Although, I was stunned, I graciously accepted her generous offer. That evening my husband and I enjoyed an impromptu ‘fashion parade’ and after carefully calculating the cost.... I kept all the items of clothing, especially the blue dress. The blue dress was the prettiest sky blue made from the finest raw silk, draped over my shoulders with two blue buttons at the wide waistband, with a skirt that fell in pleats to just below my knees. It was one of the most elegant pieces of clothing I had ever owned, lined with the softest material to avoid chaffing from the raw silk which was very textured to the touch... best of all, I looked great in my new blue dress and felt confident wearing it! When I attended the dinner with my husband I felt confident and knew I looked good. And... I wore that blue dress to many occasions in the following ten years... weddings, dinners, business lunches, family occasions and celebrations. I loved that blue dress because I always felt confident and looked good when I wore it, and usually had a great time. When my daughter was just a few months old, few of the outfits hanging in my wardrobe fitted me as I was still carrying some extra weight from my pregnancy. Except the blue dress! So despite my extra weight and larger size my blue dress fitted me, and made me look slim and trim giving my confidence a boost. Unfortunately, wearing the blue dress with my daughter just a few months old, proved fatal when she decided to puke across the front of my dress. Even the dry cleaners found the ‘puke stain’ a challenge, after trying every detergent they had, and refused to charge me for the cleaning. I took the blue dress home, hung it in my wardrobe all wrapped in plastic with the glaring stain across the front, knowing that I would never wear it again. Each time I riffled through my wardrobe looking for something to wear to a special occasion, I would find the blue dress hanging at the back of my wardrobe, sometimes I even took it out and tried it on.... however the stain, although faded was still too obvious to allow me to feel comfortable wearing it. Eventually, after a couple of years I decided to spring clean my wardrobe, placing the blue dress on the pile of clothes that needed to be discarded. Even though I did give the blue dress away, I still lamented the loss. It was a few months later, that I realised I needed to move on, and actually let go of my blue dress, despite having already given it away... my thoughts wondering as to why I was struggling so much with letting go of a simple “dress”.... made of a piece of blue material, when I have always believed I am really... a relatively un-materialistic person. In reflective thought I realised the ‘blue dress’ was symbolic of how I felt when wearing it; self-confident and looking good, as well as a tangible article that represented many happy and special occasions. Really irreplaceable! Each time I went to my wardrobe, memories of the blue dress were focused on the loss of the actual dress..... simply changing my focus of thought to the many enjoyable times I had when wearing the blue dress, allowed me to emotionally let go of the article of clothing, even as I had given the dress away. Interesting enough, during the course of Spring and the early part of Summer that year, when my daughter was a year old.... the additional weight I carried after my pregnancy, which was about eight kilograms, simply melted away without much extra effort, even as I had let go and discarded the clothes I no longer wore in my wardrobe. To some, the letting go of my blue dress both physically and emotionally may be a simplistic analogy, however it is symbolic of the process when compared to the additional weight we sometimes hold on to. More often than may be realised, a person can hold on to their additional weight just like wearing a favourite dress, and wanting to hold onto that dress, even though it is long passed it’s used by date! In reflection, during the Winter energy of stillness and contemplation.... consider when your weight started to ease up the scale... what events happened at that time in your life, what circumstances were you experiencing? When did your size increase? Consider when you started buying larger sized clothes! If you are serious about letting go of your additional weight and decreasing your size.... you have to follow a routine of changed behaviour and patterns with regards to your physical weight and size - eating different foods in a different way at different times, moving your body more through exercise and changing your daily habits to include more active behaviour.... AND, you need to consider what emotions and feelings you have with regard to your additional weight and size - do you hate your body? And how can you learn to accept and love your body the way it is now, embracing the changes necessary to realise the body you desire, want and deserve. Do you actually love the body you have now, yet subconsciously need the extra weight you carry? Does your additional weight afford you protection? Many modern day behaviourists, researchers and personal development specialists advocate that ‘fat = protection’. In my personal experience with people struggling to deal with their weight issue, it’s often the discovery of the underlying core issue, that results in letting go of their additional weight on an emotional level, that allows them to realise the body weight and size they desire on a physical level. Sometimes, the underlying issue turns out to be a deeply hurtful experience that is still unresolved, or unhealed. Sometimes it’s a situation that caused pain, or childhood experiences never exposed, faced or challenged. The process of discovering what the underlying core issue is with regards to additional weight, is sometimes complex and can be compared to peeling off the layers of an onion.... depending on how many years of additional weight need to be peeled off. We are essentially physical beings and experience life through our Body’s, even as our Minds are powerful and our emotions run deep. Each physical item we have represents something to us on some level, including any extra weight we have... Everything is inter-related and connected from our physical possessions to the emotions we feel, and there is a strong flow of interweaving and connected dynamics that effect us. If we tend to hold onto physical items, even though we no longer need, use or have any purpose for those items, it can be symbolic of how we hold onto our physical weight, even though we may no longer need, want or have any purpose for those additional kilograms and layers... it’s essential to let go - emotionally and mentally, even as we let go physically of that extra weight. The process is neither one or the other... and needs to be more synchronistic on all levels. If we embrace the Winter energy of Yin, which is feminine and nurturing and allows us to be more receptive to healing - then we can follow the natural progression of this process after the Winter Solstice by clearing and discarding those things that no longer have purpose for us. Going through our wardrobe and discarding the items of clothes that no longer fit or suit us, may be symbolic of being ready to forgive and let go, signalling the release of those additional kilograms and physical layers from our body’s. Wishing you health in Body, peace in Mind, happiness in Heart and miracles in your Life! Love and Laughter to You and Yours! [ EMAIL ] ******************************************************************** |