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How many heads have you bitten off today?
"Matt hurry up and eat your cereal we are late for school... aah for heavens sake Matthew, you are spilling your milk all over the place... Matthew Michael Smith you are driving me insane with your whining this morning..."
"Where did you get your drivers licence from you moron? Stevie Wonder’s Driving School?”
“I’ve told you a million times before not to put my coffee on my desk – you are going to be the death of me!”
Any of these ‘stressed to the hilt’ comments sound like you at any stage in your day or life? If so, then you know all too well how miserable you feel when you are stressed. You would also know how stress distorts perspective. Losing perspective means that the things that you would ordinarily be able to take in your stride, become huge issues in your life. A single Coco Pop that sneaks out of your child’s breakfast bowl becomes a life threatening issue (to both you and your child!)
We’ve all heard how dangerous stress is, sadly however we don’t know the dangers of it until it is too late. According to Durban’s Dr Phil, feeling stressed is like feeling thirsty - by the time you actually feel and acknowledge that you are thirsty, your body has been ‘silently’ begging for water for a while. As with stress, you only realise that you are under stress when you actually burst that blood vessel in your forehead and end up noticing because of the blood dripping in your eyes! Okay, that is a little extreme, but it is an indication that we do not deal with stress when it is still manageable.
Stress use to be associated more with the male gender than with the female gender because of the roles the two genders took on. Historically men were the ones that faced all the stress of the business world and women faced the (apparently) less stressful environment of the home and family. For some reason it was believed that the stress that came from going out to work was more than staying at home and running this ‘micro-business’. Irrespective of where more stress traditionally came from, things quickly became increasingly stressful for women when they joined the workforce. Why? Because irrespective of the level that they entered the workplace at, they ended up taking on the responsibilities of business while continuing to be the primary caregiver and manager of the home and family.
It can’t be disputed that men are becoming more active participants in the home than in previous decades, but women still assume the greater share of the tasks associated with raising children and managing a home. Whether we women assume these responsibilities because of an unwillingness to let go or because of “what is expected of us” is irrelevant. The potential for stress is doubled as we attempt to manage both our careers – home and office. Women have had to become highly skilled jugglers or rather, choreographers of balancing acts like no circus has ever seen before!
This balancing act however can end up taking its toll, resulting in feelings of fatigue, depression and stress. So what can we Winning Women do about this epidemic of stress that weighs down most of the planet?
- DEFINE EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT
Take the time (probably about 30 minutes out of your life) to sit down and decide what really is important to YOU. Too often we get caught up in what others want and what our work, business associates, spouse, customers, friends and family expect of us. In this ongoing process of living our lives according to others’ standards we end up feeling like our lives are out of our control. This simply leads to further distress.
Once you know what it is that YOU want out of life (both in your career and personal life) you have to make choices and decisions that will put you on the track to maintaining or achieving these goals.
Sit and write out your “wants”. Keep them visible at all times so that they can act as reminders to keep you focused and help you handle the stress that previously came from living your life aimlessly. If a task, customer, spouse or activity is stressing you out but you know where and how it fits into your self-defined picture, you will handle it better and stress less.
For example: If your mission is to get a customers account at all costs, because it will guarantee you the promotion to that corner office, then putting up with an obnoxious customer will stress you less, as you know the result is bigger and more rewarding than the annoyance, as it fits in with your “wants”.
- MAKE TIME FOR THE PRIORITIES IN YOUR LIFE
Yes I hear you all saying: “Easier said than done” and that you have heard this a million times before! The difference is, that if you have taken the time to sit down and define what is important to YOU then you will want to block off time to do the things that will put you on the track to achieving your “wants”, be they business or personal.
This blocked off time will encourage you to focus 100% instead of letting your head do the normal thing, which is think about work when you are with your kids or feel guilty about being at work when you want to be with your kids. You end up robbing both situations of your undivided attention and you end up not achieving your objectives and living under a constant umbrella of stress.
So if you have children, plan in your diary (write it down like it is an important business meeting) to spend uninterrupted time with them. Don’t allow other responsibilities or pressures to interfere with this time together. Bringing them into the office, while you stare at your computer screen is not undivided attention. Take them to cricket, go shopping with them (for them), colour in a picture, sit in the garden with them or just talk with them (as opposed to talking at them).
Your partner and exercise need to be approached in the same way. Undivided attention that is set up on a regular basis will alleviate feelings of guilt and stress.
- DEVELOP A PERSONALISED MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL PLAN
If stress is something that’s eating at you, consider looking at other sources besides the known work and home environments. Have an honest, objective look at your eating habits, how much (or little) exercise you do, the number of hours sleep you are getting and whether or not you have regular physical check-ups or not. (Think about the brain time and emotional energy that go into worrying about something that need not be worried about – if you just went for that check-up and got the professional answers rather than letting your brain run amuck with negative thoughts!)
- ASK FOR HELP or DELEGATE
Many women express their feelings for loved ones, or colleagues they appreciate, by doing for them. But this doing can easily become overdoing for others. This overdoing becomes a habit and can lead to resentment. So make a conscious effort to be aware of whether what you are doing, fits into your “wants” list or whether you are doing things for others because they have come to expect it of you. By not asking for help or at least teaching someone else to do the job (for future delegation) you are setting yourself up for additional stress.
Remember, both children and staff members learn responsibility when they are asked to pitch in. A win/win situation arises as they learn different skills and feel more important and you free your time up, which will alleviate some more stress.
- DON’T MAKE SUPERWOMAN YOUR HERO!
Illusions of perfection belong to comic books and American sitcoms. Trying to live your life attempting to achieve everything all the time is an exhausting waste of energy, not to mention the grounds for life threatening stress.
Attempt to be realistic in the goals you set for yourself and always remember to measure yourself against ONLY yourself. This way you will be focused on growing yourself in line with the vision you have laid out for yourself. (Reference to your” want” list in point one)
Spandex clad Superheroes exist only in colourful picture books and movies. Attempting to be Superwoman and pretending you can handle everything is only going to leave you feeling desperate. The fact that most super heroes wear their undies on the outside of their clothes proves that they are not as mentally stable as our children like to think they are.
Superheroes get to blow people up and tear down buildings when they feel stressed – we only get to bite off a few heads with our vicious verbal attacks when we are stressed. Either way we need to start recognising stress before we scream at that little old granny driving at 20 km’s an hour in front of us.
As a Winning Woman in business I am sure you are making every effort to balance the commitments of work and home, as well as the many tasks that go with both jobs. This balancing act is as much an art as it is a science and there is no “right” way to do it. There is however a “wrong” way to do it and that is by ignoring your own needs for happiness and health.
Please try these 5 steps towards eradicating (or at least minimising) stress from your life. Your business and home life deserve the healthiest you that you can be – so make those changes TODAY. If you wait until “you get around to it” – you may just never get around to it! You may also end up ‘biting off the wrong person’s head’ one day.
I have a poster in my office that constantly acts as a reminder to "Live each day as if it is your last - because one day you will be right!"
JACKIE PSANNIS
Professional Speaker, Writer & Student of Life
Cell: 082 874 5985
(T) 031 261 6291
(F) 031 261 6590
Email: jackie@winningwomen.co.za
Website: [ www.winningwomen.co.za ]
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